That Time I Made Garry and Deniece Drink with Chickens

So now that it seems like ‘drinking with chickens’ is a thing we’re doing (WHO’S WITH ME?!), there’s been an interesting little side effect; my non-chicken-keeping friends are fascinated (some might say ‘fascinated’, others might say ‘concerned for my mental unravelling’…tomayto, tomahto), and want to come drink with my chickens.

To which I say: Helllllllls yes. Suit. Up.

No, but seriously, wear something that doesn’t much matter if it gets pooped on.

And while we’re talking ‘rules’, I also require that you stop by the farmer’s market, or raid your garden, and bring me an interesting, fresh, local ingredient that we can mad-scientist a cocktail out of. Yeah. That’s right! There’s a cover charge to get into this bar.

And bless their little hearts, my buddies Garry and Deniece signed right up.

And probably immediately regretted it.

Like…really, really regretted it:

But…hey! There’s cocktails!

So what did they bring me in exchange for this life-direction-questioning experience? Cantaloupes. Gorgeous, gorgeous cantaloupes. Challenge accepted. Especially because I have this bottle of Malahat Spirits Ginger Rum that I have been looking for an excuse to crack open.

Pull a bit of fresh mint and limes from the garden, a little organic coconut water, annnnd VOILÀ: Coconut-Cantaloupe Mojito, anyone?

To make these suckers, you first need to magically turn cantaloupe into cantaloupe juice. De-seed and cut one melon into halves and then quarters. You’re going to use 3/4 of it to make juice, reserving the last 1/4 for muddle bits and garnish. Remove melon skins, then chop the 3/4 melon into one inch or so chunks. Pulse the chunks through a food processor until you have a very fine, juicy pulp. Now press this mess through a strainer using a spoon, and collect the remaining juice (or, if you have a juicer, use that instead of the food processor). Set the strained juice aside.

To make one mojito:

• 1/4 cup small chunks of cantaloupe (approx. 1/2″ cubes)
• 4 fresh pineapple mint leaves (or other mild mint), plus one sprig for garnish
• 2 oz. ginger rum
• 1 oz. clear rum
• 2 oz. coconut water
• 1/4 oz. simple syrup
• 2 oz. cantaloupe juice
• 1/2 oz. fresh lime juice

In the bottom of a highball glass, muddle your mint leaves just until the fragrance releases. Next put your small cantaloupe chunks in the glass, then fill with ice. In a cocktail shaker filled with ice, place rums, coconut water, simple syrup, cantaloupe juice, and lime juice and shake thoroughly. Strain into your prepped highball glass and garnish with a sprig of mint, or a lime or cantaloupe wedge or whatever fanciness you feel like. JUST DO IT.

OMG, everything about this is super, super normal. Just a few friends, having a few drinks, and a massive Buff Orpington cleaning her feathers in the background. CARRY ON.

This photo is of my husband, holding Veruca Salt. Because you can’t have a cocktail unless you hold a chicken. It’s in the rule book. THIS AIN’T HIS FIRST RODEO.

But, Garry and Deniece? It really was their first chicken rodeo. And what was the final verdict on their drinking with chickens experience?

Garry: Meh, I drink with animals all the time.

Deniece: It was exactly what I expected.

And there you have it.

Why isn’t anyone returning my texts.